I spent the early part of Father’s Day feeling sorry for myself. My plan for the day was a music lesson at 11 am, followed by a BBQ for my father in the afternoon and evening. My wife and son had offered to take me to breakfast. At 10 am, no one was up. Feeling like I was not a priority and neglected, I decided just to head out on my own and do my thing.
But as I left, something started to change in my little head…I began to shift my focus from “poor me” to “lucky me.” And the weight of that little ego trip immediately started to lift and I felt…relieved.
Love
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
–Thich Nhat Hanh
I wonder how many people love this way? I know that I certainly have work to do…
For Want of a Nail
![joist%20hanger%20nail[1]](https://servingothersblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/joist20hanger20nail1.gif)
For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the message was lost.
For want of a message the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
I came upon this very old proverb recently (thanks M and D), and it reminded me how small actions can lead to big consequences. And yet it is so very hard to imagine at the front end how much can result from one seemingly small action…only in hindsight does this become more obvious. It reminds me of the importance of listening to my gut and having faith, and of the interconnectedness of all things.
Relationships
Not much original thought this week I’m afraid, at least not that I am ready to blog about. But here is something I came across by Neil Donald Walsch (one of my favourites who always makes me stop and think). The last paragraph is the real kicker.
“The purpose of relationship may not be what you think.
If you are excited about forming a relationship based on
what it looks like you can get, rather than what you can give,
you have started off on the wrong foot entirely, and you
could be heading for a big disappointment.The purpose of all relationships is to create a sacred context
within which you can express the fulness of who you are.
And who you are is an experience you have before
you enter relationship, not because you did.”
Out of Africa–On Purpose
This is my final post of a series of lingering thoughts from my recent trip to Mozambique, Africa. This post is on finding my life’s purpose.
I don’t know that I’m any closer to figuring out what to do with what’s left of my life, yet perhaps this experience has made things a little clearer. I know I like to help those who need it. I realized that whatever it is I am doing, I have to enjoy it–no more endless, meaningless drudgery with no connection to who I am. I was reminded that I still abhor the bureaucracy and bullshit that gets in the way of progress and putting talents to good use.
I discovered that I really enjoy the consultant or advisor role, and the fact that in a short-term contract, volunteer or otherwise, there is a beginning and an end. I am not entrenched in the organizational culture, and that allows me to approach the issues and situation with fresh eyes.
I enjoyed the structure and challenges of the work, the commitment to a purpose, but without the attachment to that purpose. I realize that once I’m gone it is out of my hands…and that feels good and freeing somehow.
I re-discovered that unfamiliarity brings out the best in me and helps me tune in to my inner voice that has all the answers.
I will close by paraphrasing a few relevant and meaningful thoughts that I heard recently from Deepak Chopra that have been bouncing around in me ever since:
Fear and desire can cloud our intuition. But beyond that is the source of all intuition. The law of detachment helps us embrace the unknown. Uncertainty is essential in our path to freedom….it reinforces our need to trust ourselves. Uncertainty is living from within, able to trust our inner being. No barriers, no limitations. Into the field of all possibilities. The intuitive heart knows. Listen closely. It will always lead you in the direction of your soul’s purpose.
Out of Africa–On Common Sense and Critical Thinking
Over the next few weeks, I will continue to post a few lingering thoughts from my recent trip to Mozambique, Africa. This post is on common sense and critical thinking.
Critical thinking and common sense (as I know it) is not inherent to the people here, and that has many, many repercussions. Not a lot of forward planning. No real sense of urgency. They learn one way, and there’s not much room for thinking beyond that, maybe because they have not been encouraged, allowed, or educated to do so.
Decision making is highly centralized, and many have conditioned not to “colour outside the lines.” I have run into this issue over and over again. It seems to be all about living today and in this moment, which has its pros and cons.
But is it really that much of a surprise? How can you think about tomorrow, when you are struggling just to make it through today?
Out of Africa–On Guns
Over the next few weeks, I will continue to post a few lingering thoughts from my recent trip to Mozambique, Africa. This post is on guns.
I was comparing the gun situation in Mozambique to the massive gun problem they have in the US, where guns are entrenched in their culture. South Africa is very close by, and shares that dubious distinction of also being one of the most violent countries in the world, clinging stubbornly to their right to bear arms, refusing to evolve.
Mozambique is certainly not a crime-free country by any stretch, but widespread gun ownership and use does not appear one of their problems. Is it because of the people themselves, is it because they can’t afford them, or is it because there is strict access to them (you must make a case for why you need one)?
My sense is that it may be a combination of the latter two, and that easy and inexpensive access would lead to gun mayhem in Mozambique, just as it is in the US and South Africa.
For the past 30 years or so, Mozambique has basically been a peaceful country, having had more than its share of violence, and yet their flag features an AK47, the only country in the world to do so. I find it sickening. And primitive. Is there no other way to symbolize independence?![Flag_of_Mozambique.svg[1]](https://servingothersblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/flag_of_mozambique-svg1.png)
Out of Africa–On Education
Over the next few weeks, I will post a few lingering thoughts from my recent trip to Mozambique, Africa. That trip changed me, and I find some aspects of re-adjusting to “normal” life quite challenging. That unsettled, disconnected feeling is back. I will write more about this later, when what’s behind it is clearer, but for now I will focus on things I seem to have a firmer grasp on.This first one is on education.
Lack of education I think is the basis for most of the problems in Mozambique, as it is in all countries, developing or otherwise. Education is the only way path to a better future. And that means a quality education, with well-trained, fairly paid teachers. They play a critical role in forming the next generation, and yet we continue to attach so little importance and worth to them. I can think of no better definition of “short-sighted.”
Education should not only teach you about things, it should also teach you how to think. It should teach you to ask questions. It should teach you to see things differently, beyond your own narrow scope, and to consider bigger issues and implications. It helps make you a global citizen. Education makes you more employable, which means you have a chance to earn a better living. It makes you less dependant. It opens up options, which makes you less desperate. And desperation makes people dangerous.
Education changes everything at the source, and I believe this is where most of our energy and resources should be channeled.
“We Are Together”
Povo school students who let their love shine.
I heard these three little words many times while I was in Mozambique. Friends and colleagues would often say to me “we are together.”
And the way they said it was….special.
For example, I might say “can you help me get home after the show,” or “will you be at the cafe” and they would look at me and say, almost reassuringly, “we are together.” It would make me feel calm and safe somehow.
One day I asked Chico where this expression comes from. It is translated from the Shangaan word “hixikanwe” (pronounced hishi-kung-way).
It is one of the most beautiful expressions I have ever heard. The words…the context…the sentiment.
Johaness…a security guard I met one night in South Africa…such a beautiful soul who I connected with instantly.
So this week’s post is dedicated to some of the wonderful people I met during my African journey, who helped make it so memorable. You have changed me.
To them I say “hixikanwe.”
Charlotte and Seamus. Young souls who taught me so much. And of course their parents Liz and Mike who were so very generous and welcoming.
Jose..artist, creator, and nice guy.
Tomas and Miguel from the office…and there were so many more friendly colleagues who made me feel welcome.
Helder who always had my back.
Domingues and Orlando from the hotel. Always so open and friendly. “We love you Mr. Jona!”
Jackson who drove me around Nelspruit and shared so much of himself with me.
And of course Chico….words cannot express my gratitude.
Money Matters and Life Lessons
I wrote about the concept of money while I was in Africa. How it is simply a form of energy, neither a good thing or a bad thing, but how our attachment to or obsession with it is what causes problems.
And I was reminded of all this last night. We are preparing to sell our house. Downsizing, and selling off all the stuff we don’t need anymore. It all just seems too much now somehow, and I’m sure my 3rd world travels have had something to do with this re-framing.
Anyway, I arranged to sell one of our couches. A young man and his father came to pick it up. I watched him count out the cash, not really paying attention. I trusted that it was all there. I stuck it in my pocket and helped him get the couch into his truck. After he left, I counted it myself, and found it to be $40 short. I called Max and told him. He insisted that he gave me the full amount and that it was my responsibility to have counted it on the spot. And he was right, I should have. He was resolute and un-yielding, and I hated that.
I brooded about his for a few hours after that call. Why was I so trusting? How could I have been so stupid not to count it? It was not so much about the $40, but I just hated the idea that I had been ripped off. I hated the idea that I had a momentary lapse. I was so sure that I was right, and that he was wrong. I stopped just short of accusing him, which I would be very relieved about later.
The whole thing really bothered me, particularly because it spun me out for awhile, and I could not seem to reign it in.
This morning, in the light day, I found the missing $40. Somehow it had fallen out of the pile of cash, and under a piece of furniture. On another floor of the house no less! The universe does indeed respond in some very mysterious ways sometimes!
I immediately sent Max a note apologizing for doubting him. I never heard back from him. But that’s OK. It was the right thing to do.
So many big lessons and reminders here in this seemingly simple little transaction.
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