I Cried

I cried more than I ever have before
Cried for all we created, all that we healed together
Cried for what we no longer were going to be
Feeling beaten and bruised, like I had gone 12 rounds in the ring

The emptiness
The grief
The gut-wrenching ache
Coming in waves

The profound sorrow I never knew could be
Somehow we lost each other, and we lost ourselves
All we have is now, moment by moment
Nothing is permanent, nothing is forever

The unresolved anger
Insidiously becoming resentment
I can’t pinpoint a moment when it all started to turn
When we began to drift apart

Looking back on all that was good
Staying with the pain of the present
Ahead is uncertain and unclear, but perhaps a faint glimmer
So I put one foot gingerly in front of the other

Knowing it will be better this way, in time
And that the only way through it is to feel it
Then darkness again
And I cried some more


Image by Princess Pana

23 thoughts on “I Cried

  1. I have felt this way. A very clear description of this pain. If you are describing your own pain, I am sorry you need to go through it. But as your poem says, it is as it must be for now for reasons we may not even understand completely.

  2. I read this and feel the pain I went thru for many years of my marriage. I read it again and see the pain my ex went thru when I finally walked away. It all hurts. It gets better.

  3. One time I was hit by a loss like this. I was consumed with grief, so much that one evening I screamed up at the angels to bring him back. And in time, they did. But it was wrong, he was not the same, and I was not the same. If you agree to let go of the grief, even though at times you will still want to feel it, I believe one could pass through a time like this more enlightened, maybe easier. Looking back, I can still feel the knot in my throat, but my understanding is so much greater now, I am only glad for that knot. Beautiful writing, my friend. Very beautiful!

      • Yes, writing does help. I lost my best friend in May and have written about that . . . but I cannot bring myself to write the final piece about that experience; still way too raw.

        Re the drawing: Can you say where you got it so i can give proper credit? I pinned it and gave credit to your blog.

  4. Another day, and things may seem flipped. Perhaps you do not need to decide immediately which end is up. Only being. Maybe a long bike ride with your son? Whatever you do, connect with nature and remember where you’ve been. We are here!

  5. Jonathan,

    This sounds like a grief that you can only work your way through- no consolation, no answers, no simple balm. Just pain and loss and sadness.

    But you will make your way. And change, our only constant, will bring you to another place. And from there, you’ll go forward.

    The Tao lesson- if you open yourself to loss, you become at one with the loss, and can accept it completely- has helped me over the years to weather some hard times. Maybe you too.

    Sending strong thoughts.


  6. Feel what you need to feel. Cry when you need to cry. Write when you need to write. Let it all be what it needs to be. As I’m discovering: the only way around is through.

  7. I’m so sorry to hear this Jonathan. I can feel the depth of your pain, the sorrow…. Writing indeed is very healing. Loving thoughts and healing energies on your way! ♥♥♥NadineMarie♥♥♥

  8. Your honest and courageous expression of pain is deeply appreciated, for in your brave sharing we readers can feel comforted in knowing that we are not alone in our pain, in our heartbreak. This is what blogging, writing, poetry is all about… to share those deepest feelings that are bursting out of our hearts because we must, only to discover that these private words truly resonate with others and help them heal too. Bless your heart, dear one, and know that your journey is not in vain. Rather it is a trailblazing showing-of-the-way through the brambles. Thank you. Your friend, Gina

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