What is it that defines me, and who will I become? Richard Rohr’s writings on this have resonated with me (but only recently…this would not have made any sense to me 5 or 10 years ago). He often talks about the two halves of life: the first half which is ego driven; the second half which is more about the search for meaning and the emergence of the real self. Kind of yin and yan-ish. Both are necessary as our spirit evolves; as we learn to become who we were meant to be. But for the second half to emerge, the “container of the first half has to die. You can substitute any word you like for “God” or “religion,” but the essence of his message remains clear I think. Below are his thoughts on the first half.

“Early-stage religion is largely driven by ego needs: the need to be right, the need to feel morally superior, the need to be safe, and the need to project a positive image to others. At that point, religion has little to do with any real search for God; it is almost entirely a search for oneself, which is necessary. But we do this by trying to repress and deny our actual motivations and goals. These are pushed into the unconscious and called the “shadow self.” The shadow is not the bad self, but simply the denied self, which is totally operative but allowed to work in secret—and never called to accountability from that hidden place.

Most people (not just religious people) focus on their shadow self—to keep “feeling good about themselves”—and their ego enjoys a perpetual holiday. It is a massive misplacement of spiritual attention. All your energy goes into denying and covering up your shadow—which then gets projected everywhere else.”

I pulled these words from a deck of pilgrim cards last night with my wife. They describe the death of the old, the birth of the new, and the sometimes painful process involved with letting go and letting in. The timing is serendipitous for me, but not a coincidence. I guess the message is one of patience and faith.

“On this high plateau, the road spins out into infinity. Off in the distance, brown earth meets a blue line of sky. As far as the eye can see, nothing seems to alter, and yet much that is hidden is changing.

Last night you looked up into the heavens, and it seemed as if the stars were swirling and shifting into new formations. Inside of you, your mindscape too is transforming.

Let the cosmos within and the lanscape outside reconstitute themselves. For at some level, this is what is happening. You and the world you walk through are being taken apart and re-formed.

The old has not yet died; the new has not yet come ito being. Be patient. Choose wisely.

We are all born with the potential of enormous power. Some of us use it to control, others use it to create. This hit me as my wife and I were chatting with Ginger (a potter) yesterday. She seemed completely transported as she described her love for pottery. Ginger described the act of being creative as when we’re closest to our soul and its destiny. Love the beauty that conjures up in my mind.

I often underestimate how my seemingly insignificant actions–positive and negative–can impact those around me and beyond. And the enormous ripple effect that can have. But deep down I know that we are all connected, that it is all about transfer and transmission of energy. The enormous power and potential of one to affect many.

I love this thought by Neil Donald Walsch “…that the tiniest gesture–a smile, a gentle look, a simple pat on the arm, a soft word–can change a person’s life. Before this very day is out, you are going to have a chance to live in that possibility. Look. Watch. See what this day brings you. And be ready.”

What is it about many organized religions, that those practicing claim to have found “the” way, and that that is the “only” way? And most frighteningly, try to impose that on others. How can anyone claim to have a monopoly on this? Perhaps that is why so many have fled these restrictions, and are seeking their own path to consciousness. 

Richard Rohr is a Franciscan priest who talks about male spirituality, adult Christianity, politics and spirituality, and non-dual thinking in a refreshingly open, unconventional, and down-to-earth way. I like his take on it. He says that almost all religion begins with a specific encounter with something that feels “holy” or transcendent: a place, an emotion, an image, music, a liturgy, an idea that suddenly gives you access to a bigger world. The natural and universal response is to “idolize” and idealize that event. It becomes sacred for you, and it surely  is. The only mistake is that too many then conclude that this is the only way, the best way, the superior way, the special way that I myself just happen to have discovered. Then, they must both protect their idol and spread this exclusive way to others. But what evidence do they have that other people have not also encountered the holy or profound in their own way?

The false leap of logic is that other places, images, liturgies, scriptures, or ideas cannot give you access to a higher power, or plane of existence. Much religion wastes far too much time trying to separate itself from—and create “purity codes” against—what is perceived as secular, bad, heretical, dangerous, “other,” or wrong.

If we are all connected, like drops in the ocean, then all paths can lead to consciousness. One is no more or less true than the next.

Sounds like a contradiction, doesn’t it? The very beginning of my spiritual journey has felt like an awakening. But it also feels intensely frustrating at times, like I have somehow lost my tether, which I suppose I have. Very few really talk about that part. I have been reading Barbara Marx Hubbard (Birth 2012). In it she talks about how major crises happen just before transformation, and how these are “evolutionary drivers” that can propel us to a better, more unified and loving existence, or they can destroy us. Sure feels like we’re at that point. Anyway, a bigger topic for another day.

She also describes on an individual level the discontent and that nagging sense of “lack of meaning” in your life, but that this feeling of dissonance is what initially awakens us. If you are depressed and if you sense that there’s something in you that hasn’t been expressed, then it’s a signal that the universe inside me is pushing me to act towards something more. So rather than “what’s wrong with me,” I can ask “what wants to be born from me.” Anyone been through this? Any wisdom to share?

Staying present and “in the now” continues to be my main challenge in life. I know that compulsively thinking about past or future is not the path to peace. My mother and I are stuck in the past, and it is impossible for us to move forward. And I am so sad about that.

Rage, anger, guilt, resentment, and depression are all emotions associated with thoughts about the past. Fear, anxiety, worry, tension, and stress are all related to thoughts about the future. And I often find myself toggling back and forth between both states (Keith Ashford talks about this in his book about anger). When I occasionally find myself, or manage to get myself into the now, it is such a release. Meditation helps. Being around my wife too….she’s so good at this….at simply “living.” Hope to figure out how to spend more time here…

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.” (brilliantly simple and elegant)

–Jimi Hendrix